Guest Post: The Juggling Act of Balancing Writing and Family

Please welcome Nancy Parker, a freelance writer and former nanny. Below, Nancy provides some tips on balancing the writing life with the family life.

What most people don’t understand about people who write for a living is that writing doesn’t end with the normal 8-5 work schedule. It’s one of those professions that rarely stop at all – you can never tell or control when that elusive inspiration may strike, and writers have the blessing – or curse, however you look at it – to get all-consumed in a project once inspiration comes a-knocking. This works out great for writers as individuals, but can be pretty frustrating for family members who value a more structured schedule. So how do you manage to find a balance between writing and family?

1. Keep a notebook with you at all times

It can be an actual notebook that you write down notes in, it can be a “notebook” on your computer or an app on your phone – so long as you have something to jot down an idea quickly when you’re out and about and can’t sit down to write. This way you won’t lose any great ideas but you also don’t have to sacrifice what you’re doing at the time.

2. Figure out your best writing time of day

Whether you’ve really thought about it yet or not, every writer has a time of day where they are more creative. For some it’s in the early morning hours before anyone else is awake, for others it’s during the traditional work hours of the day, and for some it’s late at night when everyone has gone to bed. Whatever the case, you have to determine the time that works best for you and designate that time as your personal writing time.

3. Set aside specific times to write

Once you’ve determined the best time of day for you to write, set defined hours that you will be writing. Let everyone know that during those hours you aren’t to be disturbed. This way you’ll have a certain amount of time – whether it’s an hour or five – which you know you can dedicate to getting some work done.

4. Get words on paper daily

Even if it’s just a few sentences, you should strive to write down something every day. This way you’re continually growing and improving as a writer, but not necessarily taking out huge chunks of time day in and day out to write, which will allow you time to focus on your family as well.

5. Be flexible

Just as you need to set aside certain time to write, you also need to set aside time to be with your family. Making sure you’re meeting your family’s needs is the most important, so by scheduling the time which you’ll be writing you’re allowing the rest of your time to be dedicated to your family. And it’s ok to write less some weeks to focus on your family more – you have to be flexible to their schedules as well.

Being up front with everyone from the get-go is the best way to figure out a schedule and determine when to write and when to focus on family. The juggling act of family and writing is a tough one, but once you find the balance between the two they can exist harmoniously.

 

Nancy Parker is a former professional nanny. Now she loves to write about a wide range of subjects like health, parenting, child care, babysitting, and nanny background check tips. You can reach her at nancy.parker015 @ gmail.com.

The Benefits of Disequilibrium

Image by jonwatson via Flickr

Yes, bad can be good. Hidden blessings and all that.

I’m not talking about disequilibrium in the medical or economic sense. Disequilibrium is a term coined by authors Laura Davis and Janis Keyser of Becoming the Parent You Want to Be, but it doesn’t just refer to new parents. It’s also a state often visited by writers, both amateur and professional. In fact, I’ve found it to be a pretty accurate description of life in general.

Disequilibrium is a state of unbalance, but more importantly, it is the effort to strive for balance that makes being unbalanced a state of disequilibrium. Some people can live their entire lives without attaining balance and be perfectly happy, if not sane. This does not apply to them. This applies to those of us that work constantly toward a goal regardless of how far away that goal seems to be… and how much farther it gets away from us despite some of our best efforts.

For example, there is no doubt that kids keep us endlessly guessing. It’s how our infants teach us how to care for them, because we sure as hell do not know anything before they do.

Here’s what I mean:

Baby won’t sleep, so after days and days of trial and error, you come up with the perfect solution: nurse baby, then rock baby in glider while singing and having the white noise generator on “rain,” then swaddle baby (but only in the green swaddle— the yellow will not work for some reason), then place baby in swing and turn on music while continuing to sing. Rub baby’s head and make forceful shushing sounds intermittently between verses until baby stops crying and yawns, then turn down the music volume by one and turn up the swing momentum (during a louder part of the song, because the motor will make a click sound that will, inevitably, wake the baby.) Finally, continue singing as you move out the door and down the hall. And ta-da! Baby is asleep. It took 40 minutes, but you did it. This routine works for a whole four days, but then baby tires of it and you’re faced with another challenge. How long will it take to find a new solution?

Welcome to disequilibrium. Children develop faster than we can keep up. Our struggle to keep up includes failure, the first state of disequilibrium. Frustrating, overwhelming… but necessary. We learn the most while we struggle, and by comparison, we learn next to nothing when our lives are completely, effortlessly balanced.

And we’re not just learning about our kids. We’re learning about ourselves, our partners, our lives, our values, and our priorities.

Likewise, the daunting task of writing comes with a ton of disequilibrium. In fact, everything up until the final product is happily unbalanced.

Rough draft:

Ignore the disequilibrium and write frantically. Here, the ideas are more important than the quality. Right now no one would ever want to read your manuscript because it sucks. You have a lot to learn about yourself as a writer (regardless of how many other projects you’ve completed), your subject, and how your influences will affect your story. But this is all necessary. The first draft has to need improvement so that you can improve it.

Revision, Editing, Proofreading, Etc.:

Now’s the time to dive into disequilibrium. Let it take over. Figure out solutions where you think it’s impossible. Nothing is impossible: this is your writing, and you can make it be whatever you want: good, bad, pretty, or ugly. Disequilibrium will make you want to tear out all your hair and perhaps even gouge out your eyes, but it won’t pay off unless you refuse to give up. There are rewards ahead. But this moment is rewarding, too. Just think of what you’re learning by fixing all the problems your writing has inherently accumulated.

The Myth of the Final Draft:

There is a version of your project that might leave your hands and fall into those of an agent’s, a publisher’s, a reader’s. This is the point. But if you’ve ever read your own final draft, you know it can’t be final. Not in your head. You’ll likely revise it endlessly, or at least wish you had made some last-minute changes. Just here and there… and there and there and there, too.

So what was with all that rushing to the end? The irony here is that there is no end. Not to parenting, writing, or learning about life. It’s a ceaseless journey and the destination is never as important as the route traveled.

Without being faced with challenges, we could never overcome them. It’s as simple as that. And we all want to achieve something. Embrace disequilibrium and respect it for what it’s worth: invaluable lessons on how we can improve ourselves and our lives.